Birth Story Part Two: It was an Inevitable Delivery

Welcome back! Continuing where I left of in Part One, the induction process wasn’t going quite as planned. A few years back I witnessed my niece’s mom go through an induction and it seemed to just…. happen. My expectation was the same when I heard I was getting induced however, at 6am the day after starting the process, we still hadn’t broken my water. I was having minor contractions, but they were becoming less frequent and less noticeable. Instead of dilating further, my cervix was closing back up, and my uterus was still too high for the doctor to safely break my water. The baby would have been at too much risk. Even though I couldn’t really feel any of the contractions, I watched them on the monitor. Seeing them but not really feeling them was both a blessing and a curse as that is a part of the whole birthing experience for most, but yet something I felt I was missing out on.

We stopped the Pitocin to give my body some rest and to think about the next steps. My body was not responding to any of the induction methods. Everything we’ve been trying has only been making my body weaker and sicker.

In the middle of the night prior, around 1230am, a nurse who practices body stretching and energy massaging had come in and tried some of her techniques. It was interesting, both uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. Unfortunately, though, it didn’t help either.

At this point, the doctor talked to us about a cesarean birth. She explained that if we continue with another round of Pitocin or try waiting for my body to dilate on its own, we were only delaying the inevitable. She was very open and honest with us about the risks we faced either way. My body was not strong enough to push. It was just too dangerous to continue with any induction methods as I was not myself anymore from all of the different drugs given to me.

My husband and I discussed our options and weighed the risks. Then he said this: “Babe, I need to ask you a serious question.”. I’m not sure if it was my foggy brain or tiredness, but I didn’t expect to hear what he asked when I told him to go ahead. His question was, “What do I do if…..?” For a moment, we sat in silence, knowing the topic wasn’t one we intended to discuss. The situation was actual, though, and the risk was there. Knowing that the baby would be okay, I only remember telling him to always tell our child how much I loved him/her. I was scared thinking about the idea of not meeting my baby.

Then, even though it was the middle of the night in Arizona, I called my mom. I knew she could relate, in some way, to my situation as she also had an emergency c-section when I was born. I explained to her what was going on and the options we were given. She gave me her motherly advice and love, and then I told her we would update as we could.

Almost as soon as I hung up, the nurse and doctor came in. With fear and tears flowing down my face I told the doctor, as best as I could with broken words, we would go forward with the c-section. It took no time for the medical staff to wheel me over to the operating room, so I can only assume my doctor knew we would end up doing a c-section one way or another. Everything and everyone was set up, ready, and just waiting on me.

I had already spoken with the anesthesiologist during the course of the induction process just incase we would end up here. He had explained the process to me so I was aware of what to expect and what would be happening.

They gave my husband a gown and coverings for his shoes and hair to get ready in so he could come back and be there with me. He just had to wait until they were done getting me ready to begin.

Once I got back there, I was moved from the bed I was in and onto the operating table. I was given the instructions to sit up with my legs hanging off the table and lean over with the worst posture and hold as still as possible. My nurse, Chloe, was there hugging me as I had my arms wrapped around her for support. In that moment I was forever grateful for her when she said “I’m right here you can hold and squeeze as tight as you need.” Nurses are such a blessing! The anesthesiologist proceeded with the spinal tap, my leg twitched as he expected and needed it to, and I was laid back down.

The anesthesiologist waited a few moments and then tested how much I could feel. A couple scratches on my arm and then my leg to compare; I felt them both the same. I even remember telling my doctor that I could still feel the compression sleeves on my legs as they were inflating and deflating because I was scared they would proceed while I still had feeling. I had never been awake for a major surgery before. It was definitely a unique experience. The doctor tried again a short moment later, but I still had quite a bit of feeling, so they rolled me to my side and gave me an epidural as well. Everything I didn’t want was happening.

No time later, the curtain was draped across my chest and hung so I couldn’t see, a breathing mask was placed over my face, and my husband made his way into the room. If you ask him now, he said that the time waiting to come join me was nerve-wracking and felt like forever. The hospital plays a cute lullaby over the loud speaker anytime a new baby is born, he heard it and actually thought it was our baby being born and that they forgot about bringing him back. He was relieved as soon as they came to get him and then everything just went so quickly.

Things got started, and I couldn’t tell you what he was talking to me about, but my husband chatted with me the whole time. I couldn’t feel pain, but I could feel movement and some tugging around. The most confusing part was that I felt everything high up on my stomach close to right below my ribs and I really started to think that’s where they were operating. It was a bizarre sensation.

The surgery started just after 11 am. I’m not sure how long into the procedure we were, but I started feeling nauseous, dizzy, and cold. I said something right away, and my husband was given a bag to hold by my mouth if I got sick, and some warm blankets were draped across my chest and arms. I remember describing it as feeling as if it was an out of body experience, something I had never experienced before and couldn’t describe any other way. After some time and dry heaves, I felt better but remember distinctly hearing the anesthesiologist talk about sedation. More nerves were growing but I did my best to just breathe and relax and trust.

Thanks to the fantastic doctors, nurses, and team, Baby S was born at 1207pm.

While I was letting out a sigh of so much relief my husband was able to cut the umbilical cord and see our sweet babe for the first time. I asked him if we have a boy or a girl and through his tear soaked mask and utter joy he announced that we have a baby boy! A few minutes later, right before Baby S was taken to the NICU, I got to see and kiss the sweet face of our Baby Boy! (That’s the photo at the very top!)

It was an incredible moment that I’ll remember forever, and the love for my son was instant and overwhelming in the best of ways! During my whole pregnancy I always said I just want a healthy baby and choosing not to find out the gender until birth is probably one of our best and favorite decisions we ever made! My heart was instantly in love!

I never imagined myself experiencing labor and birth like this. Like I said in Part One I was genuinely looked forward to birth and everything that comes with it… the water breaking, the contractions, the pushing, etc. I thought I needed to physically FEEL birth in order to FEEL like a mom. I’ll admit some days my girl brain gets the better of me and likes to toy with negative thoughts about giving birth via cesarean. It was hard for me to come to terms with at first, especially since I also had to leave my baby in the NICU, but as time went on and especially now what I realize is that being a mom is absolutely not about how you gave birth (and for those who become mamas without giving birth) it’s about how you love your little babe.

It took me while to actually be able to think and reminisce on what happened. I was worried I would fall into post partum depression but I was, and still am always, blessed to have amazing support from family and friends and even the nurses who took time to sit and talk with me.

It wasn’t the birthing experience I ever imagined, but it’s the one we were given and if it meant having my sweet baby boy in my arms, I’d do it all over again – but trust me I’m in no hurry!

Don’t forget to subscribe to you can read about our NICU journey and as I share more about my pregnancy during a pandemic, life as a new mom, and more.

Mamas who have experienced a c section before, or any type of unexpected birthing experience, how was it for you? Could you relate to this post? What helped you overcome the situation? I’d love to read your stories in the comments below!